Until We Meet Again

Sadly, a few milestones (for lack of a better word) have occurred this week, that leaves me a bit sad and searching.  A few days ago, I wrote about the one month anniversary of losing Sophie.  And then, yesterday was the one year anniversary of losing my Grandmother.  Coincidentally, I was at Hilton Head Island this weekend, just as I was the weekend we lost Gram last year.  I'm one of those people that measures everything by time - so I remember the hour and minute of the day when something significant (good or bad) happens.  Perhaps it creepy and weird (Will thinks so), but its what I do.  I woke up yesterday thinking that a year ago at that time, my Gram was around and none of us knew that she would pass away that evening.    Then, all day I monitored my watch as the time ticked away to that moment I spoke with Gram for the last time as she was in the hospital, then to that moment when my dad called to tell me she was gone. 

Today, my heart still breaks thinking that she isn't here.  There are so many things I want to tell her and ask her...she gave the best advice.  Is it selfish to want her here still?  Is it selfish to wish my other grandparents were still alive too?  Why do we have to lose the people we love?  I was listening to Taylor Swift on the way back from the grocery store today and in one song, her lyrics say:  "I just realized that everything I have is someday gonna be gone."

Its pretty sad to think about that.  Growing up, I remember thinking that I can't wait to be a grown up.  Well, now I'm thinking I don't want to grow up - can't we go back to when I was young and didn't have a care in the world?  Growing up means everyone else grows up and gets older too.  Time ticks by and then eventually time runs out.  None of us know when that time will be for us, so I want to make the best of what I have and cherish every moment I have with those I love.  Although, I'm not ready for my time to be up yet, I look forward to seeing my lost loved ones again someday.

Love you Gram!!!