Its been 26 days. I don't know how that much time has passed, but yet it still seems like moments ago. I've contemplated this post a million times, but whenever I start to type I shut down. I've been hoping that if I don't acknowledge the truth that perhaps it isn't real.
I've never lost a family member so suddenly and shockingly. I've only lost my grandparents, while still absolutely heartbreaking and life changing, I knew they were older and lived long lives...and in some cases their passing ended their pain and illness.
But this is different. I never fathomed the loss of a parent. That was something that should be many many years from now when they too are old and grey. So, why would this happen now? Why would God take someone that we still needed here? I am so very mad with the big man upstairs.
For those that don't know. My bonus dad passed away on November 17th from Covid. He was only 60 years old...far too young and healthy for this monstrous disease/illness to take him. He was in the hospital for a few weeks and things were rough, but I couldn't fathom him not surviving.
I am still trying to come to terms with this loss. I'm in disbelief, full of anger and in utter heartbreak.
I wish I would have been able to speak at his funeral, but when I'm emotional, I lose my ability to verbalize words. I would have been a blubbering mess. So, I'll take to my blog to share my thoughts. I know these words won't come close to expressing everything, but it's a start.
My bonus dad came into my life when I was around 9 years old. I did not like him, only because he was dating my mom...lol. One of my first memories with him was when he was at our house one evening and my brother and I were put to bed...of course, we weren't going to sleep with a guy in the house still. I remember sneaking out and saw him and mom in the kitchen...he was making kissing sounds and mom was fussing at him to not make us mad. I ran back and reported to my brother. We decided it was time for him to go...so I grabbed a pillow - it was a care bear shaped one. I peaked around the kitchen doorway and slung it right at him! And it hit him in the face! Yes!! I was so proud, but then he says "nice shot!" What? He was supposed to leave and be mad...but nope, he thought it was great.
He and mom ended up marrying and we moved around quite a bit, of course we protested every time. I got my baby brother, which I demanded they have when they got married, so that made me a happy little girl. We began building a relationship that was one of a kind. I never felt like the red-headed step child. He always introduced me as his daughter and had such pride in me.
As I grew up, I grew to love him dearly and truly appreciate him. After college, he gave me my first job, of course I had to start at the bottom and work my way up. Will and I married and the three of us worked in an office together for a few years and spent countless hours together. Will and he were the best of friends and bonded over their love of golf and business.
Eventually, my bonus dad and mom divorced. That was definitely a hard time for all of us. But, our bond remained when so many people could have cut that tie. He still called me his daughter and I will hold that dear forever.
I will miss his larger than life personality, his ability to make friends with everyone, his ever present optimism and his insane ability to always be 15 minutes early for EVERYTHING.
I'm so very thankful that he was in my life. I'm so thankful that he was a part of making me who I am today.
So, Dad. I will miss you more than you can imagine. I will never look up at the moon and not think of you. I will continue to work hard and make you proud. I will strive to see the good in every situation and love with my whole heart. I will do my very best to be early like you taught me. Know you are loved and missed greatly. I will remember you with that big smile on your face. Until we meet again. ❤